The Glitter's no gold

Where do I pick up and the past ends?

2008-11-24T17:41:00.000-08:00

I feel like I've been letting my life float past me. Day by day, every second right past me. I think I caught a glimpse of the minutes escaping me. Slowly my eyes are opening up. I know I need to jump back on and start life again, but I don't know where to start. I'm going to start looking for a job in a salon soon. Not for money or anything, but because I love my work so much that I need to take the next step. I have to admit that it's scary trying to put the small broken pieces of yourself back together. One by one, trying to remember how fragile they were before. Some times in life dreams don't come true. It's hard to absorb that thought. Dreams don't always come true. I guess that's why dreams come and go. We change and our dreams can change. As something fails, something changes, and evolves in life. I'm evolving in my life. I'm not sure what I really want, but I have an idea, and a foundation to stand on. God provides. I will be stronger this time, maybe less likely to pull away and close off. Here's to dreams.

Long time for a stranger, short time for a bomb

2008-10-28T20:19:00.000-07:00

How can a person love their life, and yet hate it so much? I love school, for the first time in a long time. It gets hard to wake myself up and follow the same routine, but I manage. Cosmetology fits me. It's more then just hair and make-up. I have a chance to make people feel a little better about themselves. That part of my life is great. It all makes sense to me. I get how that works and how it fits into my life and future plans. I can't say anything similar for the rest of my life. Nothing fits together. My sister gave her kid, a 15year old trouble maker in girls jeans, to my parents and it's all going down hill. I can't stand him. I hate having him live with us. I can honestly say that he's a bad kid! Smoking, drinking, drugs, sex, lies, cutting class, failing grades. Where does it end? When I was in high school I was not perfect. As an adult I can admit that, but how can you let a kid who's been caught doing all of these things get away with it?!? It's almost as frustrating as the religion Oprah started (look it up, shes kinda crazy!!!). I feel a little silly thinking I would buy this house from my parents and live here. Now I just want to move out and run away. I was so close to my parents, then they moved him in. They always pick his side and even when he steals from me they just think I'm paranoid and need therapy. I feel like I sound so childish. I wish I could change the way I feel about all of this but I can't. I've changed the past few months. I'm moody, and depressed, and feel alienated in my own home. Some 15 year old thinks he can boss me around and even though I'm his aunt treat me with total disrespect and threaten to slap me in the face. Of course I stand up for myself, but then my mother tells me I'm being a brat. I don't think I can stand this much longer. I am so worried that I will have to pay to take a leave from school to get a job and my own place. Too bad that I don't have a car because they sank money for a new one of trying to fix the old one. In case you were wondering, the car got worse and I don't have one now. I just feel trapped. Even screaming doesn't release the pressure in my head anymore. As an adult I don't know why I allow myself to be put in this position. I feel like I've turned into a powder keg, and at any moment I could run out of fuse. What happened to me? God, I need you're help!

I wish I had a river, I could skate away on

2007-09-29T19:50:00.000-07:00

I live in Michigan. My heart lived here, my family, my home. So why do I want to run away from here? I have moments where I picture not living in this house any more, and I become so sad. I have lived in this house my whole life. I have the option of moving to florida for a few months for a job, and I am so scared. I want to be able to go, but I don't think I can. I live my life by what if's. And thinking about leaving makes me feel so many of them. What if I get lonely, what if I miss home, or my family or my dog. What if something bad happens to any of them when I leave. I always seem to be able to leave things behind, so why not now? Moving into a new apartment, not so scary. Moving away where I wont be able to come to my house and sit and know that it's my home. I can't do. So why does a part of me want to go.

Draining

2007-05-28T00:17:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm running into a brick wall over and over again. Like I'm trying by myself to push a truck down the road with one arm behind my back. I keep pushing and pushing and can't even move an inch. I wake up and go and go and go, get absolutly no where, go to sleep, then wake up to do it all over again. I have very little free time and I hate it. I don't even make enough to lease a used car or rent a crappy one room apartment where I resort to candles. I doubt that at the rate I go that I could even buy that many candles.

This Bites. God please help me!

Dropping the ball

2007-03-27T17:53:00.000-07:00

One day we forget that time keeps going. It moves on in seconds and priceless moments that we fight to regain but never will. I can not say if I am pleased with the time that has passed me by, or the changes that this passing time has brought me. Friends come and go. We find ourselves so close to another person, but still strugle to let them completly know our hearts. Thank God I have him so some one else knows my heart because there are moments when I don't even know it. For a short time in our very significant lives we crash into others and make conections. We can not really tell if they are big conections or small conections, yet we make them. I realize that I am the type of person who makes lots of conections, but more times then none will let them slip away from me. How odd is it that I can be decribed as a person with a fear of being left behind or abandoned so I push people a side in my own way and feel abondoned because they let me do it. I know that I need to find a place in myself where I can learn not to push or have a fear of being pushed.

I can not take back anything. I can not regret my actions because on some level of being that is what I wanted. I can't help but think of all the good memories I have had, and what I have chosen to miss out on. Lord help me find content and resolution for the issues I face.

I drop the ball. I have walked away from the game and wondered why no one has come after me and sought out my company. I am making an attempt to change this behavior in myself. I don't expect people to understand this. I try. I am trying.

My Job

2007-03-20T21:29:00.000-07:00

I have realized that I do enjoy my job while I am there.... So as long as it does not cause me an intense amount of problems from this point on I will not be looking for a new job and will keep the one I have. There are worse jobs to have, so I really shouldn't cry and moan about it.

On a different note, the 21st is the first day of spring. Hooray! I love warm weather and bright sunshine. I am really hoping that this patch of warm weather stays with us this time. Nothing was better then the warm 60 degrees we had last week.

I am one hundered percent sure that Jesus hates winter. No doubt about it.

God bless!

Problem

2007-02-24T22:13:00.000-08:00

I think that I might have become one of the most indedisive girls in Michigan.

Not good.

Breast Cancer Support

2007-01-21T11:53:00.001-08:00

As many of you know my mother is a strong survivor of breast cancer. As a support for her my family and I have started to join the walks and runs for breast cancer. In June the 16th annual Race for a Cure will be held in Detroit at Comerica Park. My team and I will be participating. There is a 2 mile walk, a 5k walk, and a 5k run. You can only have 15 members on a team and mine is close to full. If you can't make it down to volunteer, run, walk, or just check it out please make a donation. This is very important to me. Far more then anything else I have done before. My team goal is $2000. Please help us meet this.

God Bless

What's Heaven

2007-01-14T21:52:00.000-08:00

When I was younger I was very confused on this subject. What will heaven be like, or look like. I thought for a small amount of time that it would be like in the movie Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure. All of our cloths would be white and cream colored, and the floor and walls were kind of glass and as you entered you walked up these big steps to the gates. Later my Aunt Rosie informed me that it was wrong, I would go to hell if I believed it and Jesus would cry. She said heaven would be where we lay ed at the feet of the Lord Almighty and listen to the choir of angles sing his praises for all eternity. Other angles would play golden harps and Jesus would like in a giant house with many rooms. Only special people could live there with him. Hearing this I became very upset. No talking, no color, no fun just listening and praising, what ever that meant.

After feeling very cheated, and frightened by dear Aunt Rosie I asked my dad if this could possibly be right, or if different churches have different heavens, and if so can I never go back to here's. After a long pause he asked if I remembered our trip to Disney. Of course I did and asked if heave was there and I didn't know it. Then he explained to me that heaven was much like that. Beautiful and nice, but there we would not meet a princess or a mouse, but Jesus and some other important people. The big castle is where Jesus would stay, but we could all stay with him there. And even though I thought it rather impossible he told me that there would be enough rooms for everyone who went to heaven. Being young, about 5 or 6, I asked about the rides and he said, "I'm sure if God wants them, they will be there."

I know that this might not be completely correct, but it's right in the ball park. Too many times we find ourselves telling people that they should long to go to heave and want to go to heave. But why. Most Christians make it out to be some boring place. All i know is what the bible says about heaven. Streets paved with gold and huge house for everyone to live in. And a city in it all. At the Journey today we talked about this topic. Now I'm sure it wont be exactly like Disney World in heaven, but isn't it a little close? I'm not trying to say Disney is like heaven on earth, but the concepts are similar. To the mind of a child it makes perfect sense. I don't know what awaits there in heaven. But I know that it has to be better then the world that we live in now. I am confident in making the bold statement that in the new Earth God will create for us that we wont need to worry about global warming and rapes and poverty. I look forward to that. And i don't think that I need to worry about sitting listening to choirs being bored out of my mind and having no colors. If God didn't like colors why did he make them. That's my opinion about it.

My conclusion on Calvinism and Arminianism

2007-01-11T21:51:00.000-08:00

If you read my last blog I started my conversation about this topic….. Now let me continue.

If we look at the second point of Arminianism it says. “Man’s act of faith was seen as the condition for election to eternal life. Meaning God looked into the future, saw what we choose with our so called free will to choose his grace or not choose his grace, and that’s how we get into heaven.” When you look at Calvinism you see that God decided who would choose him and the Holy Spirit in accordance with HIS WILL for the world. Now let me look at out old friend the bible on this….

Romans 8:28-29 “We know that all things worked together for the good to them that love of God, to them who are called according to HIS purpose, for whom HE FOREKNEW, He also did PREDESTINATE to be conformed to the image of his Son; that he might be firstborn among many brethren, moreover whom he did predestinate, them He also called: and whom he called, them He also Justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.”

Romans 9:11 “ For the children being not yet born, neither having done either good or evil, that the purpose pf God might stand according to election, not or works, but of Him that calleth- it is written, ‘Jacob have I loved, and Esau have I hated’”

Roman’s 9:11 points out that 1) God hatred was of Esau the man
And
2) This hatred did not come from the sins Esau committed

This shows us that God loves or hates us not because of what we do, but because he just does. And if he hates us then he wouldn’t let us be moved by the Holy Spirit. This is also present is Timothy 1:9. Also look at John 15:16 where Jesus says, “You have not chosen me, but I have chosen you!” That’s right from the mouth of the Lord!

Now let’s take a look at the third point. Calvinism believes in limited atonement, where as Arminianism supports the idea of universal atonement. This just basically debates if Jesus died for everyone or just a few selected by God. I’m not going to say much about this, because if Jesus did die for everyone and then not everyone choose him, that would make his death pointless, and his promise to save us with his great sacrifice a lie. Jesus did not lie, and his death on that cross did have a point. So… yeah. But if you don’t believe me read John 3:16. It surely doesn’t say that Jesus died for all the people that “chose not to love him because of free will blah blah blah.” BULL SHIT. Jesus died for those who believe in him. That’s all I’m gonna say about it!

Irresistible Grace vs. Constructible Grace comes next. As a Calvinist you believe that when the Holy Spirit comes to you, you can not deny it. That the powers of God are so awesome and his will is so strong so pre determined that once it is meant to happen it does, you can’t say no. But Arminianism likes to say we have a stronger will then God so it is based on our choices not God’s. With God being infallible and totally omnipotent you see the error in this. IF we had more power then God in any area, then he wouldn’t be God, now would he? 2Timothy 1:9 supports this also Galatians 5:17. John 5:21 too. I mean let’s be realistic. We can’t “save ourselves” Only God has the power to grant redemption, if God presented a person with Redemption, of course they would take it. Who’s going to say, “No thanks Jesus, I think I’ll sit over there with the others who would rather burn in hell then except your holy love and grace. But thanks. Oh have my sister send me a post card while you’re up in heaven, and maybe some water for my tongue. Bye” COME ON! I know I must sound like a jerk right now, but in all honesty how can you say that God lacks the power and we hold it. That’s just blasphemy! If God wanted us, he would have us. That’s why he’s God and we are just the pitiful creation.

This one just makes me giggle. Perseverance of the Saints verse Falling from Grace. Aminian’s conclude that because they choose their own fait by accepting God by their own free will that they can just simply chose to let it go and change their minds. Wake up and decide to give up grace. They also believe that because grace is influenced by works of good that a work of sin will cause you to loose your redemption and have to re-seek Gods grace and forgiveness. So, you will see them sin, get “saved”, sin once more, then have to be “resaved.” So you will see an Arminianist go threw this cycle and repeating steps over and over again, till a relationship with God is just a meaningless thing with sin pray baptism, sin pray baptism. So on and so forth. The Calvianists believe that salvation is the work of God, people, being his creation. Once the God “lives in us” he never leaves us, apart from the good or bad of our actions. God promises that he will finish the good works that he started with us, and that is “perseverance of the saints”.

Philippians 1:6 “Being confident of this very thing, that he who hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ”

Ecclesiastes 3:14 “ I know that whatever God doeth, it shall be forever: nothing can be put to it, nor anything taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.”

So my conclusion on everything I have read is Arminianism does not give God his total glory and will send you to hell in the long run of it. I did my best to explain all of this but if I didn’t, then research it yourself. Don’t let me tell you how to love God and what you should or should not believe.

Amen and Peace be with you!

Day by Day

2007-01-07T22:04:00.000-08:00

So, day by day I start to realize that being a person on this earth is hard, and continues to get harder and harder by the second! I need God to hold me up. I need God to make complete me. It’s hard because I try to be so independent and strong, but every day I have to remind myself that I am just one single pieces of junk along with the other millions of pieces of junk that Jesus had to die for (Romans 5:7-8). If I was okay and any where close to perfect he wouldn’t of had to pay such a high cost for me. I can’t make a choice on my own. I have to do it by him. To it all in his time and by his will. I can try to fight it as much as I want, but I can’t. But thank God that he loves me enough to forgive that!!!!

I struggle with the very worldly situation of trying to plan my life out for myself. I want to know right now when will everything will happen, and what to always do. I want to know his timing and his plan and everything else about my life that only God knows! It’s not my place to know these things (Psalm 31:14-15). In the book of Acts, chapter 1, the disciples seems to have the same issue but the Lord answers them by saying, “4Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about.”

NOW to update everyone on my leanings of Calvinism vs. Arminianism, (sorry this might upset some people) by reading over the five points of both, and comparing the two, Arminianism will lead you to sinning and hell. I know that’s kind of a bold statement, but let me explain.

By believing the first point of arminianism you say we have free will, and that there is enough good in man for us to choose God in our lives. We choose our own salvation. This however, according to the bible is not true. If we read Ephesians 1:4-7 it clearly states that God has chosen us according to his will. We must also look at Acts 15:18 “known unto God are all His works from the beginning of the age.”

That’s just one thing about it. I have learned a lot more that I will more then likely talk about in another blog.

God Bless and Peace be with you!

Random things that I have thought about

2006-12-29T20:41:00.000-08:00

So... to start off I will talk about how I need to make a choice about school. I can either wait and go to Wayne County this next semester, go to Spec's Howard, or take time off of school and get a good job. It's all very confusing.

I'm very excited that a new year is right around the corner! I think 2007 will bring many good things. But lets face the facts; we always hope that next year is better then the last and that good fortune will be ours. So God willing, i hope that happens for a lot of people. Right now on the television they are talking about how they just killed Sadam Husane. I really dont know how i feel about it. I feel bad that a person has to die for peace, and others to feel better. But if God didn't want him to die im sure something would have happened that he would have lived. So God Bless him.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas. I think only like 3 people read this, but i honestly hope it was pleasent for you. I've been reading up on Calvinism and it's all really interesting. I'll update you on that soon!

One thing i need to get off my chest it that people need to read what the bible says about being submisive and letting someone control you/ trying to control others...... yeah thats not to any one who really reads this, but i thought i would put it out there.

far well for now. and God Bless

Prayers that i have that relate to this blog:
People can appreciate their surroundings. All the couples i know who have broken up, and oddly there are alot of them right now, can find solace in Jesus. That people stay safe around the new year and that it bring many happy time to others. That the Jahovas witnesses understand that coming to my home and hiding pamplets in the mail box wont make me change the way i feel about the Lord. I pray that this bible study I am going to start is a holy one that helps me walk closer to the Lord and not a nother step behind. I thank God that my mom's doctors appointment went well and he has continued to keep the cancer from coming back! Yay Jesus!

Peace be with you!

What the??

2006-12-21T21:28:00.000-08:00

So I just got home from Hanging out with Spears, Capra, and Aaron. We talked about many a things. One thing was calvinism. I do not totally understand this, but i know i should look into it and the difference between that and arminianism. I have heared of these terms before, but have never looked into it so I never wanted to really say that I am something im not, or say i believe something that i dont. Thats just wrong. SO... we talked about it and i know i really need to look into this. I want to believe God, what he really said, ment, felt, still says, and believes. Anything beyond that if like following a lie. I guess I have allot of reading to do and self examination of my heart and beliefs. Pray that I find the right answers that are true to God and his word!

Prayer of the day:

That I can be honest with my heart and God as i search for answers. That I find the truth and i except it while trying to please God by following it. People in my life that I know who are in need for him recive it. During this crazy time of Christmas ( yeah i said it, CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS, if i've offended you get over it) can remember that we are celebrating the birth of our savior unto us and that his father, God, sent him to earth to Bring us closer to him and make us clean by forgiveness. I get so mad when people day they wont celebrate it because Jesus wasn't born in december. Just be joyful anyways you Hoes!

Peace be with you and God Bless!

First time for somethings

2006-12-20T20:59:00.000-08:00

SO..... This is my first entry in my new blog. It seems like allot of people have one of these so why not. I guess if you're reading this you already know a few things about me. My day was very pleasant. I went shopping with my Mom and one of my sisters. I'm excited for Christmas, though it doesn't seem to be as exciting as other years. I don't know when I want to start at Spec's Howard. When ever I do start that's eight months closer to having a good job in a field that I like. I'm not too sure what to talk about right now, so I'll just ramble on a bit more. Global warming is making me really sad. I watched that movie Al Gore made and I cried during most of it. I think I almost died when they showed the part about the polar bears. Rent it if you want to know what I'm talking about. I think I should warm you that it's a little scary and a little sad, but very informative. Good night and Peace be with you!